Emotional Junkie
When the holiday high doesn’t last as long as the come down.
Moving like a functioning addict. Dabbling in mastering a lifestyle of bad habits that put you in a good mood, even while you think of every way to ruin who you love and crawl back to what you lost - your mind. Mental for a god that influenzas the sin, turning your body against the love meant for you.
Confusion in your head runs like the vein you shot dead with arrogance, thinking you were too good to stop or too strong to get help.
Get it together, or your presents will come wrapped in regret. Enough to get your heart pumping fast again so you can track the pain, tell yourself change is pointless, and bleed from old mistakes just to prove it.
You remember when mom’s said, “baby chase your dreams”, but you boxed yourself in like people who function by chasing dead ends.
This is the time of year when cycles come back louder. When you think of who you might have been, what you could be, and why you’re facing another year of the same. How getting older is supposed to mean maturing. How it should mean getting and keeping love close instead of feeding the habits that keep you needy and lost.
Notes to Overcome the Holiday Blues
Pay attention to the parts of you that get loud this season.
The holidays press on the old bruises. They bring up thoughts you thought you outgrew. Don’t rush past them. Don’t silence them. Let them tell you where you still need care, discipline, or forgiveness. A father grows when he finally learns to hear himself clearly.
Stop gifting yourself sorrow you didn’t earn.
Some of us wrap sadness and pain in tradition and give it to ourselves like a family heirloom. You owe yourself a better type of loyalty. You don’t have to choose the pain you outgrew.
Keep love close enough to reach you.
We disappear when we hurt and call it strength. But isolation doesn’t heal fathers. Let the people who care get close. Receive the love that wants to stay. Let this season be the first where you don’t run from what’s trying to hold you up.
Music I’m Enjoying
Light Years by Nas and DJ Premier
Book I’m Reading
You Deserve to Be Rich by Rashad Bilal and Troy Millings
Dad Joke of the Week
Why did he love the holiday lights so much?
Because it was the only time something finished early, and nobody complained.
To all the fathers wondering HOW THE FUCK DO I DO THIS My advice is simple:
Just don't pull out.
