Bad Mood. Questionable Conversations.

My son was stressing about going to his 8th grade school dance and kept saying, “I don’t really want to go, but my friends, mainly his best friend, want me to.” I kept telling him, “You don’t have to go, kiddo, you’ll still be friends after.”

After a few minutes, all I heard were those same few annoying words repeated, like a song that was getting on my nerves, from him and from myself.

Then I snapped like my brain was injured. I opened my mouth, and what almost came out was, “Are you his bitch? Because that’s how you’re acting.”

But I was trying not to hurt him or be a piece of shit dad who scars his kids with the same shitty attitude that once kept me from leading a filthy life.

I wiped the thought and said instead, “Is he your keeper? You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

My son looked at me like he was trying to figure out which one of us was hurt, or suffering from brain rot, as the kids say. His eyes told me, That’s not what a dad who’s not trying to hurt me says.

We went in the house, shared a cookie, and I put my arm around him. I apologized for talking to him rude.

I told him I just wanted him to realize it was his choice and nobody else’s.

He decided to go.

After he showered and was fresh and clean, more from the shit I threw at him than the fun times he tries not to have at school, with all the mass anxiety and post-COVID suffering of the alpha, beta, sigma bros, he put on his cologne.

He looked at me crazy when I told him to rub some on his thighs, nuts, and butt. This is where my son leaned into his favorite joke.

He said, “I know what these conversations are about!”

Me and my wife asked, “What?”

My son said, “These nuts.”

My wife asked, “Why are you telling him that?”

I said, “Because no man wants to smell nuts just like no girl wants a smelly vagina.”

She said, “It’s an 8th grade dance.”

I said, “These are moves and lessons he will need for the rest of his life. Because as soon as he smells funk stronger than an enjoyable scent, he better move like his life depends on it.”

Music I Recommend

Big K.R.I.T. Gotta Do It

Book I Recommend

Dark Sons by Nikki Grimes

To all the Father's wondering HOW THE FUCK DO I DO THIS?

My advice is "Just don't pull out!"