Bad Mood

When you look around and feel trapped, it's because your ambitions got highjacked, taken over, held hostage by work that your anxiety says you to need so the family can eat. Relationships that hold you in place because you don't know if your next move will renew or ruin, because yours are scrutinized so much by people who are supposed to care, they ignore their own behavior or lash out when you give attention to theirs.

That trap makes fathers break out of a legal mentality. Break out of being rational. And we become that caged animal that once attracted but now scares you.

Man Therapy

When ego becomes your magic, you make believe taking it easy is the best way to avoid dealing with the hard parts of life.

It's like the self-sabotaging behavior of an addict. You need to remember everybody's recovering from something, so if you don’t check your ego, it becomes, abusive. Then love disappears.

THAT TIME OF THE MONTH

BITCH

I’m a good mood, let’s F… That over 40’s attitude when you’re man enough, and know you always had what they want. Self-therapy and introspection of how the love we cherished disappeared.

I was game in my 20’s but never someone to play with. You said you were ready for my rule. Now you wanna change up after obeying this long like your clit has an itch for a different dick. The cure for that is remembering new pussy makes old dick grow another inch. so, anything new you’re doing better be in your old man’s bedroom.

A woman is the backbone, From the bob of her head, strength of her neck, flexibility of her hips to the curl of her toes, your anatomy blesses her soul.

Until she starts testing your differences. Coming back from business trips with strange bruises like she encountered human voodoo-a new influence.

She’s tryna get accustomed to seeing ghosts. You have kids to protect so you do your best to keep her close, until it kills you. Or you wait till their grown to take that chain off your neck. With all the death you’ve seen, you personally, are the most dangerous haunting but you stay blessed with a kind heart.

The only thing worse than being alone is wishing you were. When did we become the definition of Love hurts.

Or worse…

Loves Curse.

MY NIGGERS

VOTE FOR ME

IF YOU WANT TO

Cash out for your crimes

Sell out for your lies

You will stay hanging from my line

The world will look to you when I commit a crime

Thank you for re-making America white

Enjoy the ride, You probably won’t make it on this journey. That doesn’t matter. YOU ALL ARE HERE TO CARRY ON MY LEGACY.

Like William Lynch and the rest of his Heroic Confederates

ALL MY NIGGERS!

You did a great service to your country making me your owner again.

Mental

Take note of your mental. (What are you saying to and thinking about those you love and influence)

Damn son.

Why do you make it so difficult.

Did I hold your freedom hostage?

Was I wrong to give you everything you wanted and be there for your struggle and force my energy to match yours.

I know… I’m the adult. Sometimes being a parent feels like you never pay enough dues.

Ahhh… I get it. I remember that’s what it feels like for you.

Feeling cursed with a daughter even though I taught her right. Also to be independent and stand and fight for hers.

I did women wrong thinking that’s how men earn stripes.  Hunting purrs and growls to mark them with ink used for protein and breeding. But as long as I came out on top!!!

GHOST TOWN

Imagine if you will

Screaming your lungs out for no reason.

That’s what everyone else sees. It’s the only way you feel people pay attention. So, you pretend to give them everything.

You are on your own. You have family, but the good and bad-both you do on your own. Everywhere you walk, the wind…Your thoughts… Suffocates, snatches your breath, push you every which way.

You drift. You already have a habit of drifting. Feeling empty and worth less because of your focus. Those dreams you tell everyone, when you’re alone, you don’t remember. You sit and watch… Everything become old, turn nasty-your attitude, your aggression, sadness, until you’re empty.

You shiver. Chills from all the good abandoned.

Thoughts resemble harm. Scary thoughts that come during sad songs and death when you feel love growing- out of reach-the wreckage people addicted use to live in a dream.

————————————————————————————————-

Where’s your ghost town?

Do you remember when you felt dead inside.

Was it age eleven when you were scared your parents wouldn’t make it back home. You felt the spirit telling you their fast life would cause them to crash and burn.

Every time I hear 80’s rock. Ballads covered in sadness. Sex and drugs fill you with happiness and love you can’t hold

ALLOWANCE

Imagine if you will

It being irrational to pay your kids to handle their responsibilities. Said the conflicted, sometimes bitter father who doesn't believe he gets paid or praised enough for his.

Remember- all riches can't be touched. But as life compounds all good fathers end up with more than enough.

FALSE IDOLS (They Banned The Wrong Thing)

They banned tic-toc & the world was depressed

They allowed

Banks to keep robbing us

Government to keep us broke and continue harming us

Dr’s to keep drugging us keep us addicted

Our food to be so tainted we’re eating shit

Entertainment companies to rape our kids.

Tobacco, cigarette, weed, alcohol, & energy drink companies to kill our kids.

Insurance companies to charge so more than people can afford to live so they give up their will.

Brand New Day

BEGIN Each day allowing yourself to fight for love.

Live each day being honest about what's making you sad & making you happy.

BEGIN With a happy ending to the day in mind & if you feel your love wake up different-Fuck until she changes hers!

PAIN POINTS

Pain points to what you need to fix.

My pain points are asking for help, not getting it, and seeing the person I want and need help from waste time, give that help to others, then vent to me and expect my help-and get it.

Knowing those people ain’t helping because they think your changes will leave them behind-when actually all you want to to bring and push everyone so far ahead their momentum feels like a free ride.

Helping others more than myself, or just as much as myself. And struggling to find a balance for that attention.

Walking into the problems as yesterday knowing you didn’t explore ways to fix it.

All the same shit having a stronghold on doubt even-though you are cleaning up every area of your life.

MR. Bundy

This fatherhood thing is hard sometimes.

Makes you wanna abort your own life. Not permanent, only to reincarnate good times, and spirits. Back to when they were innocent youths who listened.

You always want your kids to grow up but never so much that it feels awkward holding and kissing them.

Damn.

It takes the amount of work as a marriage.

Whether married or parenting, you are responsible for the relationship of love and improvement.

Responsible for letting go of past times-bad and good, for a hopeful unknown future.

You predict it tho, based on what you think-all the time!

HEAD GAMES

I’m a little off in my head-needs a-lot of warmth, licks, strokes and caresses. Just don’t make it ache, cause we’re full of temptatioooon…. Won’t allow sin to be my sensatioooon… I’ll just fuck you right, so I don’t do wrong and let out my frustraaaatioooons!

I'll give you kindness if you give paaaatieeeence!

MIRROR MIRROR

What age do we stop seeing fear?

When do we begin to see our beliefs matter more than other?

Why is it all so clear when we don’t have to look at ourselves?

The mind, the eye, the mirror, our key to our best self, in that alternate realm.

Mirror Mirror…

Make me great.

Help me see and stay on the path.

I believe it’s gotta be GOD talking back.

EMOTIONAL

Never approach an argument when emotional.

Unless you want to end up like Carl Thomas. Hurt by a woman who used to be your love. Now her heart pounds under a heavy weight who gives stability.

All she wants is to shake and quiver.

All you gave her was angry cries and a snotty shaky upper lip.

Dick head, you wet the wrong ones because she was never who you looked out for.

PRIDE!

GOD.

I struggled today. I was mean to some people. They deserved it in my opinion. They don’t know what I was going through, yet they behaved as if they wanted my strife to continue.

And through them, it did. I continued the wickedness and met their will.

I thought about how much it pleases me to beat a man acting like he thinks I’m pussy, until he sees red. Leave him leaking and smelling abandoned.

I thought about my promise to be better, think better, behave better. Betting one can get through the same ignorance, makes man er’ and use the power that rids families of god’s children who grow to men acting like they never experienced discipline.

GOD!

I’m just a man. I waked away trying to forgive them. But mostly wondering “were you playing a joke on me?” Hard as I’m trying, I wanted them to feel when I give up on forgiveness and peace.

I forgave myself. Now I forgive them.

Thank you for my wisdom and safety.

Thank you for not letting me suffer longer than I could take.

For The Record

Sometimes I reminisce, thinking about people I miss, ones who should be here to see how I'm raising children, so they can judge & throw in their 2-sense about how this generation raises “different” children.

For the record…

I love you.

I scratched up, repeated mistakes and broken trust. I still hear how much you want to go back to when it was new and didn't have to be fixed.

I think how good it would feel to bring them all back, then I think about breaking away from god’s covenant. It gives me less time to feel pain from never experiencing their love again

What is it about sad s songs that choke you up and hold you so you can’t turn them off.

For the record…

I'm scared to hold onto people because I never heal when they want to be let go.

WHERE IS THE LOVE

Some days I don’t give a fuck. Then I get offended when I feel the ones I love start to suck.

Bad blood flowing.

Feelings that make caring sluggish.

Had to stop watching weirdos on the web. Had me trapped on how other people operate their relationships. That’s a line real men don’t cross.

Hate comes fast when your own love ain’t the focus.

GAINS

When you gain weight, you look pregnant.

And you become pregnant with depression, self-doubt, reluctance to move-ahead, or any limb that will shed the fat. You convince yourself to be content in the world of happy fatness. Providing every reason to stay that way. Assisted by medications that make being an addict, popular and sexy.

There are financial gains in obesity, food, alcohol, drugs, (illegal ones), but especially alcohol and prescription addictions that double misery and profits.

You gain the weight of hating the way you look, stuck trying to regain moments of confidence you ate and shit out.

You also gain knowledge to pull and throw your weight around. This’ll make you believe it’s ok, maybe even sexy to be bigger than you Never wanted.

And when you make yourself into a version you Never Wanted, you make yourself hard to keep.

Wherever you are in this journey of life, work to regain your truth and respect for yourself.

Tis The Season

When she gets out of the bath, ass glistening, pussy fresh and ripe for the sticking.

Umm umm-finger liking good.

Ah-dict

We are addicted to everything. Mostly remaining in struggle, so we can feel like we are working to overcome our troubles because either we haven’t learned to believe we deserve happiness-trust and believe in our version, or, put too much importance in what others say it’s supposed to look like.

Gotta want to change the situation more than change other’s opinion of you.