The Look

Bad memories sliced through like a train. If they caught him, he would end up on the tracks, somewhere, missing. He was out of breath.

Body and feet cooking…

They rushed him like a wave. Spinning and flipping from all angles. He was planning a vacation, but not this. Not now. He had kids to pick up. A girl and his side chick too. 

He thought of begging, then remembered that has never saved a soul.

They dragged him to the alley. The hoods arena. Fans cheered, children awed, rivals evened the score.

The bullets lit him on fire. Left his body and feet cooking…

Image From the movie “King of New York”

How to Cope after an Overdose

I burst with the excitement of a virgin. You recognized me with the glimmer of a stranger. I recognized you from equal parts feeling and smell, making my senses tingle like braces skinning a penis. A man never forgets that.

Or the jabs of nausea from the stench of burnt smoke, lungs, and plastic.

Ten years had passed since our last contact. You were high from the drugs you provided my love during her overdose.

Now it’s my turn to feel the excitement of death.

The Good Ones

Good parents say SHIT!-Because they don’t put up with any.

They steal- canned goods, heads of lettuce, and hearts. They hide pain, and make meals heavily seasoned with love, so their children won’t know the taste of suffering.

Some smoke, some drink, finding their way through vices and prayers.

Some watch porn, discuss sex, and disgust their children with conversations. They show anger and affection. And teach how to balance being firm and gentle.

Good parents forgive, because they know family heals.

Good parents say FUCK! because they know what it takes. They raise love through mistakes. When dis-respected, they allow you to choose peace or violence.

Good parents are felons too. They know an excuse is a seduction for losers and fools. They try to provide heaven on earth but mis-calculate their own worth.

The Dark Side

Up late. Listening to The Dark Side of the Moon. Thinking of what I will regret, so I don’t act, on it. Too soon? Only a few days in, the new year hasn’t given me a reason to be careless. But it inches in like the plead and whisper of a hymen killer.

Saying “ I promise not to hurt you".” Then, excited at the penetration, deep thoughts bang for a desired ending.

Hungover

He reminisced over his last visit to the strip club. Him and his lady were on the outs that night. He needed action to avoid a jackin’ spree. Throwing his hand was a vice that gripped til they were broken. Betting it all that he was thorough enough to be rewarded without his bread, stuffing deep in all lips and cheeks. Instead, he left with hook’in money.

Down an alley, animals make home, he pounded in a fit- like he was trying to beat shame. Her moans, now that he was really, really, thinking back on it, were stroking for a tip much bigger than his.

From my Freaky Friday Collection

IDK

I don’t know, how to not destroy. But I know how to rebuild. I am attracted to the minds weak will. The best feeling-conquering is a thrill to get away with. But I am haunted by the graves I dig.

That’s Game

Image from the movie “FRESH”

Knowledge, forgiveness, and inner strength can cure the venom of any snake.

  Be careful though-

to never think you are immune to their blow.

Some allow themselves to be charmed

they have different degree levels; they are doctors of beautiful harm.

Their disguise is a fantasy of paralyzing belief.              

       You become stuck. Un-able to escape the lie, and watch your life slip away.

This may seem morbid, or dramatic, but if you ain’t careful, deception and destruction can make you an addict.

You should never play a losers game, cause you will be ashamed if you end up victorious.

The warning sign is if it makes you embarrassed to tell your friends and parents. That's damage you need to avoid. You just have to make the choice.

(Excerpt from my upcoming book "Mom said go talk to Dad"

Prayer for my N.O.R.E.’s (Niggaz on the run eatin)

Lord let me make it tonight. Don't let my star dim under this moon. Light the way. I love you but don't wanna see you soon.

A Fathers Pursuit

Image from movie “Pursuit of Happyness”

One day I will disappoint you
I will work hard for your forgiveness,
I will do whatever it takes-
but, unfortunately, children always pay more than the debt is worth for their father’s mistakes.
Please remember I am also learning my way, raising and protecting another human being is an enlightening journey created from every decision made.
Be careful how you play the game of life
Winning at all costs is not worth ruining your name.

Excerpt from my upcoming book "Mom said go talk to Dad"

DOLEMITE SANTA

image from www.teepublic.com

He will fill your chimney.

He will stuff your stocking.

Down by the tree.

Near the warm fire.

He will have you shivering.

His sack is heavy.

Unwrap his package to get your gift.

He will have you singing year round "I wish it was Christmas"

(From my Freaky Friday Collection)

White Niggers

My mind is dangerous. Especially with all the voices.

What!? They say

Nigga, go get it.

Nigger, behave.

BRO! You already know the way.

BOY, get out the way-out my face.

Dawg, if a bitch nigga try to finesse, put it to his neck, hand or boot. If he a smart mouf, make sure he spit blood and teeth you knocked loose.

Fuck that. RUN, them white boys got guns.

All of em’ wannabe KKKowboys shooting indi…and, schooling white kids to kill all color’ed niggers. That American history x curriculum, to kill Malcolm’s and Kings, Replacing African Keys. Forcing a fight, then claiming they’re scared for their life.

Killing their own to make room, beating their women, manipulating their seeds. Government funded, when sprouted, ready to kill everything.

White Niggers is the realest. FEARLESS. The only race encouraged and allowed to attack their own country, cause they wanna be free, from the Black’s they need.

Parents War

Don’t let your parents, or peers, fears become your own.

 Don’t allow them to turn the completion of your dreams into regrets and tears

some may mean well, some may just want another person’s failure story to tell

Because they think it makes their own a better sell.

  Truth is, some people lose their desire as they age

Youthful ambition, mixed with a dream and focused vision are a necessity for happiness as you grow old

  Hold on and keep chasing them, no matter how slow they unfold.

Excerpt from my upcoming book “Mom said go talk to Dad”

No Bad Energy(Soldiers story)

Lord, if you listening,

Devil... Now I'm whispering

I prepare by sipping water and gin. Fresh breathed and hydrated. You cannot smell my sin. And I don't wine, but...

One of you help. I ain't tryna hurt nobody, but I need a release. The pain I cause, sometimes, is unhealthy, but very necessary.  I'm charged, admitted as a keeper of peace, shaking hands. I squeeze violent. Tugging. War, who will submit, I am not allowed. As a black man, going home to a family, or alone. surviving to create is paramount.

So please approach me with good energy. To make Heaven on earth, when your thinking hellish,  depends on what your selling. That's what I was taught.

When body language doesn't translate.

Blacktops become blackboards.

Screams during flight, give adrenaline as I move and dodge, slide and maneuver.  Claps, pound me to A knee, then both. I finally understand, hate and love are sealed in hugs and fists.

(Art from Lostboi’s album called No Bad Energy)

Confidence

I am a culture classic.

I am a cult classic.

My writing, opening my books, is like touching the privates of your affair. The one, your parents dared you not. The porn you’re addicted to. The drugs that ruin, but you can’t get up without. The one you broke your vows with, or the medication that heals.

Easy Way In

Art by Austyn Weiner “Big Black and White”

Coarse straight or bald. I like them all- slick.

Licking.

Lapping on the miles.

Keeping score as I run through…

You know…

Secrets build a stable of …

Nah, I ain’t going that route, cause I wanna dig more.

Big, medium, small, short or tall, I have a hard bone for them.

I’m in it now. Nose and all. A little taint, never stopped me.

Long as I don’t get stuck. You can handle me however you want.

Just know… I bite, I scratch, I sniff, I pounce.

I have an aggressive, gentlemanly, violent growl.

I make hair and nipples stand.

I bump in excitement.

My gift, is a Pearl Necklace, with the scent of an Alpha, Grizzly Gentleman.

(Words from my Freaky Friday Collection)

Suicidal Thoughts #1

Mind Terrors

I almost gave up today. I heard a voice and couldn't handle the pain. It said-"I would never get my dream life", "I don't own the rights."

I heard that I should sit down and take the cowards escape, so I would never have to look fear in the face. I was torn, exhausted from my minds race. I sat quiet, searching for control.

I knew I was in trouble when my reasons to live started to slow. I became a stranger in the only place I called home.

With no where to go, I...

Bad Santa

Image from Laphams Quarterly

Bad Santa?

OH Christmas.

They say, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. Adults smiling, excited from joy, and the presence gifts bring. A time when greed is presented, accepted, thought of as cute. It only happens once a year is the excuse.

But what happens to the person who can’t provide. Jobless during the giving and taking season.? He roams neighborhoods with shoveled, brightly lit streets, fancy, expensive department buildings displaying BIG shiny toys and diamond rings. With big churches, hosting families generously tithing their earnings.
As the saying goes… “Outside the church, Evil Lurks”

He was much worse. Wore a Santa suit to relax passersby, an innocent disguise. Masking his intentions. That ol’ jolly tradition. His pockets were bare, no money to warm his cold skin. Prayer and hope didn’t provide for him. The only white man he saw on Christmas was from the precinct.

NO POLICE PROTECTION AT THESE CHURCHES THO…

Just peace and business. Tall clean buildings. Outside you could hear jolly, slow, long worship and caroling. All part of the naughty’s last minute repents to get onto the good list.

As the mass released, they hollered and prayed to Christ. Some yelled a blasphemous “SHIT! JESUS!” As the barrel of his gun blinded their sight. They hugged and clung to their purses and wallets for dear life. Some grabbed their families too.

He forced everyone back into the church and made them empty their wallets and purses. He could now be a gift to his own wife and kids. Then, he thanked God for humanities giving spirit.

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas.

Oh’ God, its Dad’s pep talk

Image from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Change and improve your environment and you change and improve your mind. Then you’ll be able to sleep, without believing it’s a waste of time.

It’s a human superpower-the rich and wealthy understand. But-bullshit artists present what keeps you broke. They know the majority of people would rather party and be distracted than be still and understand.

Also-don’t chase sex. Chase self-improvement. That will make you THE WOMAN or THE MAN it’s a bigger flex and ego check than the amount of bodies you bed.

(Excerpt from my upcoming book “Mom Said go talk to Dad”

American Lifeline

Image from the Boondocks

The corner store was conveniently located across from the prison, attracting every new release. The inmate emerged from behind the wall. Looking up, for the first time in his life, to see a freedom that did not involve taking another’s.

He finally understood the bird’s song. Having had less money now, than when he entered prison.

“The cost of interest he thought.” Realizing he paid for his endless education with more than he could afford. A child who came out a man. Gay-free, moments were gone, in a hole he couldn’t escape.

He went from riding bikes, playing videogames and rock-paper-scissors- to fighting for a hard life and carving out his name on cock-diesel primates.

He walked into the store.

Years of pent-up rage taught him how to be the alpha dog in a cage. But he sought the sublime feeling he hadn’t received since being trapped inside the wall society conceals its crimes. Conditioning him to see an attack from anyone with a heart. In a place where survival was art.

The store conveniently placed porn magazines in the front. Sealed tight. He couldn’t preview what was inside, except one cover whose face disturbed him like a grimace in the shower.

It was his girl. His bright-eyed delight. The picture he tore his celly apart to find. His C.O. laughed when the fight denied his first attempt at parole.

This was why men abort love. They fear the pain of betrayals unrelenting hug.

Jay-z rang in his head. He knew he set her back, but-

“You don’t get a nigga back like that.”

He picked up the magazine, only one in stock. He stole it, the arresting officer from his youth, strutted out the back room, like a bully rolling, taking from allowance. And if it wasn’t, gave out knuckles and stomps. But in this case, he couldn’t beat it, and if he ran; SIMPLE! Just another dead criminal-increasing prisons rehab revenue.

The store owner laughed with excitement as the new release exited. Securing bonuses was easier than expected. The inmate had become familiar with life as a failure. Now a regular patient. Prison remained the great White mentor.

As the inmate was escorted back - in, to continue his state education, upset he did not get a chance to release his frustration-he asked a question that was giving him hell.

“If the porn magazine is in braille, do you get the same feeling?

The store owner grinned, then replied “Ahhh. We make it so you niggers can’t read the signs.”

The inmate shoved the officer and lunged at the store owner. The officer shot. The inmate fell, stretched out, struggling for breath, crawled to find safety in place there would never be.

The store owner leaned over, “but you’ll die before you can tell.”

The officer placed the picture on the inmate’s steady chest and said” We will treat her well.”

PTSD

The cuts were his distraction. Drops of blood pooled, drowned his pangs of hunger spreading like spilled sugar.

This was his daydream-he carved into reality. Slicing until he dried out. It seemed so easy; not having to provide.

Never needing or being needed. People can’t miss what they don’t know. And, after a while, he would be forgotten. Or even better-Never have existed.

But closing his eyes, didn’t allow an escape, a hiding place, none of the things he imagined.

He could still feel the pull and hear the call of life and loved ones…

(Smile, call, kiss, hug, acknowledge someone, anyone-TODAY!